Something on my mind.....

We all like to seek answers to questions. Sometimes we seek them to reassure our own beliefs which are sometimes formed over time or through life experiences. It is in a sense liberating this feeling.  I was having a read from this book, which I find quite enlightening (although it doesn't actually relate too often to me).

Will Our Love Last?, by Sam R. Hamburg:

"What if a couple started out being similar in some area, but one person changed over the years, and they ended up being different? In other words, what happens when compatibility becomes incompatibility? For many couples, what happens is the ending of the relationship. The problem with this solution is that when couples split and move on to other partners, they are likely to find themselves in the exact same situation with a new partner. Sure, the issues might be different, but when any two people form a union, there will certainly be issues."

To add on....

Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them, by John Ortberg:

"In certain stores you will find a section of merchandise available at greatly reduced prices. The tip-off is a particular tag you will see on all the items in that area. Each tag carries the same words: as is. This is a euphemistic way of saying, "These are damaged goods." Sometimes they're called slightly irregular. The store is issuing you fair warning: "This is the department of Something's-Gone-Wrong.

You're going to find a flaw here: a stain that won't come out; a zipper that won't zip; a button that won't butt – there will be a problem. These items are not normal.

"We're not going to tell you where the flaw is. You'll have to look for it.

"But we know it's there. So when you find it – and you will find it – don't come whining and sniveling to us. Because there is a fundamental rule when dealing with merchandise in this corner of the store: No returns. No refunds. No exchanges. If you were looking for perfection, you walked down the wrong aisle. You have received fair warning. If you want this item, there is only one way to obtain it. You must take it as is. 

When you deal with human beings, you have come to the "as-is" corner of the universe. Think for a moment about someone in your life. Maybe the person you know best, love most. That person is slightly irregular. That person comes with a little tag: There's a flaw here. A streak of deception, a cruel tongue, a passive spirit, an out-of-control temper. I'm not going to tell you where it is, but it's there. So when you find it – and you will find it – don't be surprised. If you want to enter a relationship with this model, there is only one way. "As is."

When we enter relationships with the illusion that people are normal, we

resist the truth that they are not. We enter an endless attempt to fix them,

control them, or pretend that they are what they're not. One of the great

marks of maturity is to accept the fact that everybody comes "as is."

Hehee.....

Carol Cassell, author of Put Passion First":

“I believe that a passionate partnership offers you the best of all worlds because it combines two separate but equally important elements – sensual heat and friendship. At one level, it powers the mysterious energy and intimacy of falling in love. And at the same time, it has the same capacity for standing the test of time as a relationship in which two people are partners and friends, as well as lovers.”

I like this.....

Marriage counselor Willard Harley uses the analogy of making deposits and withdrawals in our “love bank.”

"Each of us has a Love Bank and everyone we know has a separate account. It's the way our emotions keep track of the way people treat us. When treated well by someone, and we associate that person with good feelings, love units are deposited into his or her account in our Love Bank. But when treated badly by that person, love units are withdrawn from the Love Bank. When a person's balance is high, we like that person. But if a person withdraws more love units than he or she deposits, and the balance is in the red, we dislike that person.

Almost everything that you and your spouse do is either depositing or withdrawing love units. Since most of what you do is by habit, repeated again and again, your habits either deposit love units continually, or they withdraw them continually. That's why your habits play such a crucial role in the creation or destruction of your love for each other.

So the feeling of love can last a lifetime for a couple if they apply two lessons: 

1. Avoid withdrawing love units .
2. Keep depositing them.

It's just that simple. All it takes is maintaining Love Bank balances above the romantic love threshold."

Sounds good to me :)